God’s Constitution, Pt 15: Divorce
Deuteronomy 24:1-6 1If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, 2and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, 3and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, 4then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled.
Matthew 5:31-32 31“It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
I think almost anyone asked would agree we live in a fallen world full of perverted and rebellious thinking. Usually they refer to school shootings or random violence and that sort of thing. But divorce, and its pernicious effect on families, is nearly as devastating. And the unsurprising thing is that this has been a problem as long as there has been marriage.
In the centuries prior to the coming of Christ, the Rabbis had developed a system to deal with the reality of failed marriages. The certificate of divorce mentioned in the verse was called a ‘get’ and it provided a procedure to protect the wife who was at severe risk in the event of a divorce. This was because in a patriarchal society a woman without a male protector was in danger of starvation. The certificate of divorce was intended to protect the wife from capricious, ‘easy’ divorce practices, but over time the good intention was perverted so that by Jesus’ day a sort of serial monogamy had developed. No standard for the reason for the divorce had been clarified so the scribes and Pharisees were using ‘indecent’ to describe almost any disagreement. A woman could be divorced because of a bad dinner! Certainly Jesus was not supporting divorce, but rather legislating control of it. He was recognizing that it was a common evil but realized the abuse of it made things worse.
One might respond that often divorce is the only response to a bad marriage. But just what is the definition of ‘bad’? Is it abuse? Adultery? Is it a bad dinner? Actually the root problem here is not abuse of the laws of divorce, but abuse of the laws of marriage. God considers marriage to be both a covenant between the spouses (man and woman) and between the couple as a unit and him. In other words it is a serious relationship that is to be primary in both horizontal (between partners) and vertical (between spouses and God). But seldom is that the case these days.
In those days a specific procedure was followed when two people were about to enter into marriage. Today, not so much. Often, maybe usually, the couple has already been together physically. Churches often have procedures to counsel people about marriage but equally often the couple will go their own way if the church doesn’t support their decision to get married. The couple’s pride is offended if the church dare recommend counseling if a sensitive subject is discovered. In my home state it is even legal for a lay person to officiate at a couple’s ceremony; no religious or spiritual liturgy even need be involved. Here is the root of the divorce problem in today’s society. It is so easy to get married and so easy to get divorced that no thought is given to either decision.
There are certain reasons why divorce might be permissible. But that is beside the point: God intended marriage to be permanent. Look at Mark 10:
2Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3“What did Moses command you?” he replied. 4They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.” 5“It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. 6“But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” 10When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. 11He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”
Dear reader, if you are thinking about divorce, please think about it some more. If thinking about marriage, think some more. Marriage is serious business. If not yet married, please elevate the union to that high spiritual place God intended it to be. Pray through the decision with your fiancé. Are there any red flags? Are there any concerns? Try to put your pride aside and think about the bigger picture. Are you together just because of the physical attraction or are there truly admirable qualities held by your fiancé which you want to make your own? Have you submitted the cession to God? God considers the union to be permanent and that the two individuals become ‘one flesh’. He sees them as one new single entity. I’ve heard it said that God brings two people together who are specifically created to bring the other’s weaknesses to light and to help that person to submit them to the healing touch of Christ and to be healed. If already married, are there some issues causing you to think about divorce? Please think a second time. Have you hurt your spouse? Have you prayed through the issue with your spouse?
In our modern world people are self-centered. They want what feels right to them, not what is right in the bigger picture. Our feelings get hurt, our pride wounded, and our first choice is divorce. Please understand, I’m not arguing against appropriate reasons like abuse or unfaithfulness, but I am arguing against capricious choices. In Mark 10. the Pharisees want to talk about acceptable reasons for a divorce. Jesus wants to talk about the sanctity of marriage. They want to talk about when a marriage can be broken. He wants to talk about why marriages shouldn’t be broken. Divorce is a huge, huge, huge decision only acceptable in very narrow circumstances. Many things should happen first: prayer, counseling, accountability. Please, go slow.