Manifested love, Pt 8: Denial
John 13:36-38 36Simon Peter asked him, “Lord, where are you going?” Jesus replied, “Where I am going, you cannot follow now, but you will follow later.” 37Peter asked, “Lord, why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.” 38Then Jesus answered, “Will you really lay down your life for me? Very truly I tell you, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times!”
Follow
Jesus knew that his time had come. In fact, if we suppose this conversation was happening about midnight, then Jesus would be dead in only 15 hours. From our perspective we understand that Jesus was going back to his Father through death by crucifixion, but the disciples, particularly Peter, didn’t understand this. Human beings like to maintain that which is familiar, and the disciples were approaching the end of a three-year period of love, excitement, and bewilderment with Jesus. They were in solid relationship with Jesus and didn’t want to see it end.
And although Jesus knew his time had come, he also knew Peter’s had not. Jesus had come to the planet to establish a New Covenant with his Father’s people and to provide salvation for all who would believe. The one thing had been done, but the other could only be accomplished through his death and resurrection. Another thing is also true: Followers have a habit of deferring everything to the leader. Until the leader leaves the scene, the followers don’t usually step up to their potential to continue the mission. It was only after Jesus had gone and the Holy Spirit had come that the disciples rose to the challenge of spreading this New Covenant throughout the world. So Peter could not follow and was also not ready to follow.
The Unknown Self
And Peter was not ready to follow in another way also. It is generally thought the disciples were in their late teens or mid-twenties when they were with Jesus. As I think about Peter, I have a picture of an eager young man who doesn’t really understand what is going on about him, and who is not really aware of his own self. He was too sure of himself, not aware of his own limitations, rather cocky. It is all supposition of course, but I see a young man who thought himself better than the others and who was absolutely certain he could rise to every challenge placed before him. But Peter didn’t have the necessary commitment to meet those challenges; that would come soon, but only after the Holy Spirit would come upon him.
Here's where Peter’s Unknown Self is revealed. People tend to think rather well of themselves especially when they are young. A certain number of years must pass before ones are connected with their interior self. During those years we discover through successes and failures what things we are good at and what ones we are not. More importantly we learn not to overly promote ourselves, but to recognize our limits. Peter was ready to give up his life for his Master, but he clearly didn’t understand what that would mean. Losing one’s life in conflict is quite different than the prolonged struggle and suffering which was to come upon the disciples.
Immaturity
Life was hard in the 1st Century and it is certain people grew up quicker then. Nonetheless it seems clear that Peter was an immature young man. Jesus is teaching Peter a profound life lesson about the dangers of over-confidence. I expect many of us have had to learn those hard lessons, but although painful, they are always helpful. This experience was a shocker for Peter, but it began the process of getting his house in order, of getting him ready for the coming challenges.
What about me?
I remember a time when I was working for one of my state’s governmental agencies and we were in the process of writing some sort of official document. I was involved in some editing but had convinced myself that I had contributed significantly to the document and used that mistaken information to get another job. Of course, the inadvertent deception was quickly discovered and I soon lost that job. The point I’m making is that people occasionally make self-destructive decisions without thinking about their consequences.
Peter was about to be publicly embarrassed. He had boasted about his commitment to Jesus without taking into account his own personal limitations. But Jesus knew Peter’s heart and knew Peter would soon deny him, and in fact in just a few hours’ time Peter will have denied knowing Jesus three times. The real point of this story is to wonder, “Who is on the throne?” Is it us, or is it Jesus. Peter couldn’t have known what was in store for the next hours—Jesus’ arrest, trial, torture, crucifixion, and death. But he had been with Jesus for three years, and was in fact part of Jesus’ inner circle. He was intimately connected to Jesus and should have had a profound trust of him. That he didn’t is not a condemnation of Peter, but simply a recognition of the emotional baggage we all carry around.
All of us face problems in our lives. Sudden disruptions, difficult confrontations, and even oppressive attacks all seemingly happen with regularity. How do we respond to them? Do we complain, whine, moan, and wail? Do we respond in self-destructive knee-jerk reactions? Or do we simply ask ourselves, “What is going on here? Jesus please help me.” I admit that I find it very difficult to completely trust Jesus all the time. Things happen, life intrudes, and my responses to them often are immediate ill-thought-out actions based on years of life experiences. But that’s not what Jesus wants us to do. He wants us to come to him in prayer about everything, both good and bad.
If this communication is frequent enough a funny thing begins to happen. Gradually our knee-jerk reaction to intrusions by the world becomes more Godly; we seek interaction with Jesus more easily and frequently. In the midst of those quiet times we see different responses to situations; we respond in a more Godly way. Is this difficult? Yes. Is it profoundly helpful? Yes. Try it; I think over time you will find it to be the better way.