Trusting God In All My Arguments
Let’s face it: We’ve all been there. We are faced with a big bully, who might even be our spouse, and we feel we have to defend the very nature of our being. Where is God in that? Does God love me even when I’m so angry I want to hit something?
Let’s clear up something first. There are many resources available in the natural to teach us how to fight fair. Many counselors are available for that. Such things are not the focus of this post. But consider: When we are having an argument with a significant person in our life it is important to understand what is happening on the surface and what is happening behind the scenes. First, remember arguments are basically exercises in selfishness: we want something or believe something and the other person is opposed. Our tempers raise up and without really thinking about it we find ourselves attacking and defending issues which are not really important in the whole scope of things.
Next, remember who it is with whom we are fighting. If we are fighting with our spouse, we are fighting with that one person in the universe which God placed in our lives for the express purpose of helping us grow in holiness and righteousness. And since we humans learn best through struggle, growing in holiness often means learning what doesn’t work. Satan, on the other hand, has just one purpose: to drive us away from God, keep us unhappy and bitter, and destroy every source of blessing in our lives. So the question we have to ask ourselves is “Which voice am I going to listen to?”
At times, we find ourselves struggling with anger, bitterness and hatred, and those things often lead us into areas of temptation. In the midst of a fight with our spouse, our sin nature can lead us into a desire to ‘get even’. But God tells us to fight against those sinful feelings. We must learn to fight against the very nature within us. Paul tells us to put off the old nature and put on the new man (Colossians 3:8-13). The Lord has given us His Spirit who will empower us to overcome but we must be willing to allow Him the authority to be in control of our emotions and behaviors. We are constantly battling between what we want to do versus what we know the Lord wants us to do. "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" but the blood of Christ has saved us from destruction. At this point, we have to ask ourselves a few questions like “Isn’t the believing life about peace? Didn’t Jesus do it all so I would not have to? Even if most believers do not consciously ask these questions, their lives reflect the answer. The believing life is not passive. Jesus told us in Luke 9:23, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.”
So when you are fighting with someone try to remember that person is not your enemy. Satan is. The other person is just caught up in the emotions and selfish desires of the moment, same as are you. Also try to remember one person can’t have a fight; it takes two. For Satan to be defeated and the fight to be stopped all it takes is for one person to be willing to let God take charge of the situation. All it takes is for one person to ask himself, “I love this person. Why am I acting this way?” Scripture tells us that we shouldn’t argue with each other especially about simple matters that are meaningless. Believers are to be loving, kind, humble, and respectful to others. The only time a believer should argue is when defending the faith against false teachers and others. Here’s something to consider: “Arguments drag out because one is too stubborn to forgive and the other is too proud to apologize.” And another: “Conflict cannot survive without your participation.” – Wayne Dyer
What does God have to say about arguing? Here are a few of many relevant verses.
Philippians 2:14-15 Do everything readily and cheerfully — no bickering or back-biting allowed! Go out into the world uncorrupted, a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society. Provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God. (The Message translation)
2 Timothy 2:23-24 Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. (NIV)
Proverbs 15:28 The heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking; the mouth of the wicked overflows with evil words. (NIV)
Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (NIV)
Proverbs 15:18 A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel. (NIV)
Romans 14:19 So let’s agree to use all our energy in getting along with each other. Help others with encouraging words; don’t drag them down by finding fault. (The Message translation)
Proverbs 19:11 A person with good sense is patient, and it is to his credit that he overlooks an offense. (NIV)
Galatians 5:22-23 But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard — things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. (The Message translation)