Trusting God In My Godly Marriage
A few weeks ago, we talked briefly about ways we can practice trusting God and we mentioned there are seven common areas in which we can do that. Now we are engaged in looking at those areas.
The second area we can practice trusting God is in our marriage. Notice I said marriage, not significant relationships. Marriage is a holy union instituted by God between one man and one woman for the purpose of giving companionship to one-another, helping one-another grow in holiness and righteousness, and for pro-creation. Although instituted by God marriage might be the most difficult thing any human being engages in because in so doing each part of the marriage is required to interact with the other when at their best and at their worst. I’ve heard it said that people judge others based on their actions, but judge themselves based on their intentions. This is certainly true of marriage.
But if God instituted marriage as a holy union, and people find it so difficult, why would God have created it in the first place? Why can’t we shop around, have fun, and not worry about the consequences? To answer that question we have to look at why God created marriage. Think about this for a minute: Before the entry of sin into the world, the perfect man, Adam, lived in the perfect environment, Eden, and yet he was not complete without the woman, Eve. So something important and necessary was missing from Adam’s life. There are at least three reasons why God created marriage.
One, marriage provides a way for two individuals to become one partnership. In Genesis 2:24 God said, “They will become one flesh.” The idea here is that life is difficult in the best of circumstances and it is necessary to share its ups and downs with someone. God also said through the Apostle Peter that husband and wife are “heirs together of the grace of life” (1Peter 3:7). Each is God’s gift to the other as the one flesh encounters life together. Each provides the other an opportunity to grow in holiness and righteousness, because each occasionally hurts the other because of his or her sin nature. We teach each other how to forgive, how to love unconditionally, how to look beyond ourselves for the benefit of the other, and how to lift the other up in prayer. It is in our nature to be selfish and uncaring, yet God provided marriage as a way to subdue that nature and grow in God.
Second, marriage provide new pleasures. Human beings have a need to live beyond themselves; they need someone to love and need to know that someone loves them. 1Corinthians chapter 13 talks about this kind of love. Love is patient and kind. It does not envy, nor boast, nor is it proud. It is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, nor does it keep a record of wrongs. It rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Of course, God himself is the perfect example of this kind of love. 1John 4:10 points out that “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” Marriage provides an opportunity to give and receive that kind of love.
Third, marriage provides the privilege of the raising of children. I think everyone would say children are a blessing. When one looks into the glow of adoration in the eyes of one’s son or daughter there is little else that is more joyful. But even beyond that, there is the blessing of raising that young impressionable mind to grow in the love of God. To instill sound judgement and a strong moral foundation is the goal of every believing parent. Proverbs 22: 6 says we should “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Every human being’s sin-nature will lead them on the path of least resistance, that is to say, children don’t tend to make the wise decision on their own.
So, you ask, what does all of this have to do with trusting God? I think all of us recognize that human beings are fallible and tend to stub our toes and poke each other in the side with our sharp elbows. If we struggle with loving our spouse as 1Corinthians 13 says to do, we have to assume they are struggling too. If we tend to judge them by their actions and judge ourselves by our intentions, we have to assume they do so too. Trusting God in our marriage means trusting that God put us together for a reason. We all like to think the ‘touchy-feely’ niceness of the courtship period will continue for the whole marriage, but it doesn’t. We soon encounter the reality that our spouse is a flawed person too. But here’s the reason God puts two people together. It is part of the ‘one-fleshness’ of Genesis. Each spouse has a set of characteristics that complement the characteristics of the other. Each is strong where the other is weak. Each was created by God to help the other grow in holiness and righteousness. When we get hurt by something the other says or does, God wants us to recognize that this is an area we can help our spouse grow in. This is not easy! Our sin-nature wants to say, “Get away from me!” It wants us to withdraw into isolation or resentment. This is where the trust comes in. This is the time to put love into action; to love the temporarily un-loveable.
Here’s an example: My wife and I were married for 30 years, but it wasn’t until we had been married for eight years that she began to trust that I loved her no matter what. Her previous marriages had been so difficult that she just couldn’t believe I was for real. She didn’t let me lead and assumed I would cheat on her. Those eight years were very, very hard for me. I had to go to God in prayer a lot. You may have to go to God in prayer for your spouse too!
Next week we’ll talk about trusting God in our arguments.